A Dangerous Friend

I’ve always been looking for a dangerous friend
to save me from the endless red traffic lights
and I’ve surely found one in you.
I’m scared stiff
when you drive my car and
play Chicken with the passing lumber trucks
that transport more fuel for the mahadhavagni*
and I scream of excitement when they swerve
into the ditches one after another
While you keep your cool.

You are the kind of a friend
that parents warn their children about,
Corrupting the youth
in the sweetest possible way
“Sarva dharman parityaja”**

My hands were shaking
when I signed in for the road trip
In the winter of 2005
because I knew these roads don’t have white dashes
and no one ever returns
I’ve crossed the city limits
of my home town for good
Forced by your conviction and confidence

You’ve come to offer eternal friendship
and never-ending excitement and danger
in the service and play
of the dark cowherd and his buddies.

The dirty highways of this world
are starting to turn into pastures
as you speed forward
and the cities turn into black dots
in the rear mirror.

Let’s race as far as the stolen gas takes us
and run from there to meet your dangerous friends.

—–

* A well-known analogy in our tradition of the “great forest fire of  material desire”
** “Abandon all material duties”, Bhagavad-gita 18.66

Lately I got into pruning. Pruning means taking care of plants and trees by shaping and cutting them. May sound pretty middle-aged, but it really made me realize why the Japanese hold gardening in such a high regard and consider it very meditative. I used to absolutely hate gardening when I was younger. It was just too slow paced and boring. But the other day I found myself very inspired  by the whole thing. For some reason I felt an intensified sense of existing in an interconnected system, a reality, instead of just in my head.

Pruning very different from the fast-paced, impulsive type of experiences that seem to define our times. You can’t get a quick fix, because the results of your clips will show possibly after several years, and it takes a lifetime to become a good pruner. As I was clipping off dead branches and over-vigorous “suckers” from our nine fruit trees, I was thinking about the nature of contentment and happiness.

Am I just an out-of-touch fossil to say that the society is getting more self-centered and self-absorbed, or is it an unpopular truth people don’t want to hear? I just keep comparing my own experiences before and after starting to live a more rural, natural lifestyle, and I feel like I’m seeing more and more downsides in the western urban way oflife. We are born into a mass-consumer society and as everyone, who has read even a little bit of psychology knows, our first 5-10 years will form the rest of our lives, core beliefs and so on. So we learn to think that’s what life is supposed to be: satisfaction in life comes from getting pleasure from owning and acquiring things and services. The emphasis is on drawing things towards us, rather than working for something greater than our confined, immediate self-interest.

At the same time, I find it so interesting that on other levels the world is a much kinder and just place than it used to be. We have an international justice system, human rights organizations and so many establishments that work hard to further kindness and fairness, and we have a better sense of respecting difference.There have been simply horrible things done in the name of religion and superstition in the pre-modern times. I’m not so naive as to think that the old world was like the Garden of Eden and then the monster of science and technology broke into the Paradise and pooped the party. But having said that, maybe out of force of circumstance, people in times gone by seemed to have a better sense of gratitude and respect for life and selflessness seemed to be in higher regard. How could the best of the both worlds be combined?

Anyway, I wanted to continue my thoughts on monasticism in the modern world.

Another important aspect of monasteries in my opinion is the power of example. I know from my own experience that it was very important for me to know that there are people who have made huge sacrifices in order to live a value driven, less cruel and more natural life. I used to think that although I can’t do it, at least some crazies out there are doing it, and it gave me some comfort, because I knew it’s possible to live like that.

It’s amazing what kind of an impact one person can have on society, what kind of a long-lasting example and inspiration just one honest and good person can create. Again, that’s something that can never be measured in numbers and profits, but is inevitable at the same time.
I think for example that the fact that we are living off the grid here (meaning that we are not connected to the municipal water or electricity lines), grow a big part of our own food and are vegetarian, is a big statement and encourages others to go to the same direction.

A big part of the postmodern youth, at least to me, seems to be very valueless and uncaring about other than themselves. Many aspects of our western culture seem to be getting more and more vain and empty, and I think it’s invaluable to have little fortresses scattered here and there around the world that defy this direction of progress. Spiritual pursuit (of which virtue is a natural side product) is not “hip” right now because it’s not easily digestible and doesn’t always give the instant high we’ve been taught to desperately look after, but in my opinion this only increases the value of people or institutions that take the harder route and show practically that not only is it possible to live spiritually, but eventually it’s also very satisfying and makes sense in a global sense too.

Of course a big part of the reason why monasticism is confronted with so much suspicion and opposition is because of hypocrisy and double-standards coming from inside the monasteries. If the supposedly exemplary people are shown to be misusing their position and lifestyle, the disappointment and anger will be that much greater. But nonetheless, my opinion is that even an unsuccessful monastic life is glorious! A guy called Paul Tillich said exactly how I feel about it: “He who risks and fails can be forgiven. He who never risks and never fails is a failure in his whole being.”

Some people think that monastic life is just about sitting quietly and always being peaceful, but that’s not the case at all here. It’s ok to stress out about arranging things that have a spiritual purpose. It’s ok to run so much and do stuff that you’re on a brink of a burnout if the goal has true value. That’s actually a form of yoga when all the pieces are in the right place.
One of the teachers in our line liked to say, “work now, enlightenment later”. It’s better to stay completely engaged at first, because that will bring with it the purity consciousness that is required for meditation.

It’s natural that a monk is challenged with questions like this, from the outside and from the inside too. I’ve been challenged more than once with questions like, “Why can’t the monks work like everybody else, and then just live together and do all the hocus pocus in their free time?”

My personal opinion is that (real) monasteries are essential for humanity. The ideal monastic should not be motivated by escapism or laziness, but a true calling for transcending the exploitation and brutality of selfishness in her search for beauty and genuine appreciation for life. My teacher is fond of saying that proper detachment actually brings one closer to others, because it erases one’s selfish motivations in relation to others. You start to see others in a broader sense because you’re not boxed in and tyrannized by your need to try to draw enjoyment from others. A spiritual center that promotes this kind of attitude towards life and labors to teach it to others in a meaningful way is in my eyes doing a very high type of welfare work actually.
The effects of monasticism manifest more on a level that’s hard to calculate or even notice, but the influence they have on people’s values has far-reaching benefits. Not everything should or can be reduced into hard facts of benefits and losses. Monasticism is very much connected to the value of life, not the quantity.

According to Jacques Derrida, claims of Absolute Truth marginalizes other ideas and alienates us from others who don’t share our world view. It makes us blind to alternative ways of understanding. There’s definitely some truth to this. The remedy, however, is not to throw the metaphysical baby out with the bath water in order to be open-minded, but to rely on people whose metaphysics are not only informed by logic and reasoning, but by genuine mystical experience.

A natural conclusion of Derrida’s theory would be that the more a person bases his/her life on a metaphysical world view, the more closed, marginalized and antagonistic towards differently thinking people he must be. But obviously this is not the case with mystics. They are in many ways much more connected to the nature, more conscious and clear-minded of what’s going on around them, kinder to other living beings and very flexible in their thinking –more so than most postmodernists–while basing their lives completely on a “metaphysical” foundation.

Institutionalized religion often serves as an example of what Derrida is warning about. When an institution is based on metaphysical principles but there are no members who would embody the theory of their metaphysical system the problems with absolute claims become very obvious. When religion becomes only a philosophical or theological belief-system with no one to clarify and validate the construct with their mystical experience of it, people start “dragging transcendence to their level”, as Swami puts it. To make matters worse, even if there is such a person, institutions often turn against members that actually embody the true spirit of the institution. The realized person’s flexibility is seen as a deviation because it doesn’t fit the conditioned and literal understanding of the institution’s metaphysics. Truth has to be as the institution delineates it, otherwise it will crumble the whole foundation the members have built their lives on.

It could be argued that true metaphysical world views, that have lasted the tear of time, have originated as a side-product of the mystical experience. The experiencers have put their experiences into words, and from that philosophical systems have developed.The mystical experience is afforded to a fortunate few by revelation, so even metaphysics in the ultimate case would be a descending form of knowledge. This is why reason should never be separated from the mystical experience and given independence. The only solution to keep metaphysics from either turning into totalitarianism or into meaningless relativism (as a reaction to totalitarianism) is to have a continuous stream of new revelation and a chain of saints who can provide that.

Of course it’s a whole other discussion of how to decide who is a real saint and which saint’s vision is the correct, but I won’t get into that here.

It’s a very practical way of detaching from the world:
become honest and no one will want to be around you anymore.
No one wants mirrors, everybody wants biased portrait painters
who are not afraid to waste colors.

There’s a lot to be uncomfortable about
there’s so much room to grow
but the irresistible comfort of self-deception is just too great.
Truth hurts.

The word for a devotee is satyam, which means truthful in sanskrit.
(the funny thing is that a lot of devotees are the most pretentious people I’ve ever met)
There’s no question of becoming
spiritually perfected as a liar.

I’m a resentful painter
I blame you for forcing me to lie
but I’m not ready to let go of the
false image that you have of me.
I could choose to be alone
I could choose it every second.

Screaming to be let in.

No light comes on
Not a sound.

So I turn around and
6. wave my middle finger for a farewell
Let my tired legs lead from here.

And I will never find out that he wasn’t home
He was out in the night
Looking for me.

My other friend wrote a review of the book, a review that I just stumbled across. To read it, click here.